Half this - Half that: makes a full cup of me

Three weeks ago I went back to Egypt, Cairo for the first time since the Corona Pandemic hit the world. It was an odd feeling, since it was the first time in my life, I felt home away from home, away from home. To myself this sentence makes a lot of sense and I am hoping it slightly makes sense to you, too.

As a binational person, it always feels like being in a Diaspora. Never truly being home, always missing something. In my case, being in Egypt away from Germany usually meant homesickness or impatience. I found it hard to breath out and relax myself into the infamous Cairo-Chaos.

This year it was different, as I felt homesick for Egypt.

I was longing to be surrounded by my Egyptian family and friends, the food, the strangers, (kinda odd but also:) the heat. I felt in my heart that I was ready to go where I come from and embrace the ability bringing together all that I am made up of.

Being half this - half that, obeying to the titles people gave to you or the ones I have given myself wasn’t something I was going to do anymore. I was going there to present and participate as me.

Most of my life my identity has been at war with itself - always under the impression that in order to become I had to either neglect, hide or mask parts of myself. This year I feel like I have been able to move towards more clarity as to how all parts of myself are equal.

It felt necessary to grant my inner child that nurturing, care and attention - to heal and grow.

Not only reaching out a hand to myself but also holding it, has me excited for what is to come my way in the future. Acknowledging that the halves of me, make up the whole of me.

-lina